Can someone tell me whether heart or mind should be engaged in making decisions about money? I know you will say, both are important, but one surely is always is in a dominant position I think.
Let me give an example. I am often undecided how much to give a beggar near the traffic light. I take out a rupee or two and then think, "What will this small amount buy for them?" By then I have an urge to give a ten rupee note or even a hundred based on factors like age, looks of vulnerability of the person etc...I am also seriously engaged in thinking by then if I am doing the right thing, because I know that I can hardly sustain this method of welfare even if it can give instant gratification, and I am sure there will be several others too who might give. My heart shouts from inside, "you fool, decide what you want to give, why do you worry what others may or may not give", my mind wouldn't give up, "what if this kid gets more than he expects and gets to smoking or drinking". By then this whole business of giving itself seems very tricky because one doesn't know "how the money is spent", I suddenly start feeling that I understand the dilemma of donor agencies, who try to put tight frameworks with lot of numbers on donee countries and agencies to ensure money is spent right. Ok, suppose I talk to this boy, who has only one hand, and looks tired in the sun, but surely not undernourished, and ask him what his needs are and how much he gets per day and how he spends that money, than blindly believe he needs my money. Hell, the thought doesn't go down!! How terrible, that I kind of rip open understanding on needs of people to see that this single rupee or even this single hundred is justified in the giving. We don't even sit on a common platform, so how can I assume to understand his circumstances. There is also a great chance that I might only see the "poor him" picture, undermining his dignity. How can I try and share a dialog of any kind without sublime power dynamic? I felt in my heart that it was ok to trust and give, independent of my perceived fears of misuse of this little money, than feel justified in giving. Finally, I end up giving one or hundred rupees based on resourcefulness of my purse and emotional state of my heart on that particular day. Meanwhile I also blame the planets for their mischief, otherwise, why should I get into to an emotional tie with a hard-core subject like money.
After several years of internal dialog, something like you see in o'l movies, "the person in the mirror speaking", I have reconciled that it is tough to ignore my heart in the matters of money. It seems to have already taken the seat of priority without consulting my mind.
